Lesson of the Day # 2

The following question is inappropriate when the audience is a friend whose wife is about to undergo a C-section:

(Bengali) "Tor bou ke kokhon katbe re?"

Lesson of the Day # 1

It is easier to yell out your sentiments in a vernacular than to translate them into another language when you're half-asleep.

Quote of the Day:

"The performance of the mind varies inversely as the performance of the behind."

0.15 volt of Wisdom

In any argument, knowledge and assertiveness can never achieve what vodka and laxative can manage in minutes.

Nonsensical quote of the day:

"When you wish upon a star, watch out for the ninja behind it."

Quote of the day:

"Time heals almost everything. Exceptions include rust, low battery charge and bad sectors"

Dopey's Anecdotes:

I was standing at the bus stop, still groggy after a long snooze. Suddenly, I heard someone yell "Taratala?" (the name of a place in South Kolkata) or twice.
Just because you're feeling groggy doesn't mean you won't help someone in need. I promptly directed the person (the driver of a four-wheeler) to drive on till Rashbehari (quite close to my place), and then ask for directions.
My good deed of the day performed, I marched back to my stupefied module lead. After a few long moments, he said, "You know, that was really a shuttle cab looking for passengers. We could actually have taken it..."
Corporate Lesson of the day:
Before you jump to conclusions, analyze the situation carefully. Before you begin to analyze, wake up!

10 deadliest weapons in domestic feuds

10. Pitchforks and garden rakes (old favorites versus ogres and husbands alike)
9. Utensils (require a good throwing arm)
8. Kitchen sink (enormous power for those who can wield it)
7. A hostile pet (takes a real bite out of the opposition)
6. Encyclopedia Britannica Volumes 1-10 on a carelessly nailed bookrack (why settle for just one blow?)
5. A mallet to devastate his/her favorite item (attack the heart!)
4. The silent treatment (the samurai showdown)
3. Lawsuit (if all else fails)
2. In-laws (this one never fails)
1. A life together (could your adversary ever think of anything worse??)

Oglers' Principle

Keep one eye on the girl and the other on your wallet. If you get her, you'll need the wallet to keep her.

Dopey's Anecdotes:

I was having dinner at Sigree with two of my friends. The top question was: how many would each biriyani or tandoori serve? The best person to ask would be one of the waiters.

Being the host, I took the initiative and called the nearest waiter. Pay attention here - this is how it should not be done. Needless to say, I did it that way.

Me: "Excuse me, I have a few questions that I need to ask you prior to finalizing our order..."

Waiter: "Oh, he'll be the right person to ask."

After the waiter scurried off, we observed two things:

a. The 'he' that the waiter had jerked his head at was actually a rather perplexed-looking infant.

b. The waiter maintained a minimum of ten meters' distance from our table during the remainder of our stay at the restaurant.

Corporate Lesson of the day:

If you have a question, either keep it short or hold it in till the end of the presentation (unless instructed otherwise).

0.15 volt of Wisdom

Deodorant won't rescue your nostrils in a crowded bus. Save the Ozonosphere!

Quote of the day:

"Beauty knows no pain

Quite right—that's the beholder's department."

Quote of the day:

"Persuasion is an art. The more skilled you are, the less the situation resembles a deformed gargoyle."

Instant Solution to Unemployment Problems

Vacancy @ 5 Star Restaurant for Part-Time Dishwasher!

To apply:

1. Order food worth $10 or more.

2. Eat everything.

3. Tell the waiter you're broke.

Note: Preference will be given to intimidatingly well-built candidates having good negotiation skills.

0.15 volt of Wisdom

If you miss your target, don't complain. You should have done that when the target was set.

IQ Test Advisory

Situation: Conducting IQ trials by the following procedure:

1. Say something stupid. See how many people respond.

2. Say something even more stupid. See how many respond this time.

3. Repeat steps 1 and 2 to shortlist the candidates who are:

a. The most stupid

b. The most liberal

c. The most confused

Advisory: Don't try this if your pheromone secretion responds to one of the candidates.

Quote of the day:

"Men who can't handle strong women invariably fall for them."